Finding the Right Guide: The Spiritual Foundation of Effective Therapy

The Rebbe’s Wisdom

The wisdom of this prerequisite comes from an encounter with the Lubavitcher Rebbe. An Australian psychiatrist approached the Rebbe, seeking advice before beginning his own therapeutic journey. His question was direct: “Must my therapist be Jewish, or would a non-Jewish therapist suffice?”

The Rebbe’s answer was equally direct: “It doesn’t matter if he is a Jew or a non-Jew, so long as he is a believer in G-d.”

Understanding the Prerequisite

In my three decades as a marriage and family therapist, I’ve worked with countless individuals, couples, and families. Most come to me after previous therapeutic experiences elsewhere. The stories they share often reveal painful missteps and harmful guidance received from well-credentialed but spiritually unmoored professionals.

What wisdom lies behind the Rebbe’s requirement that a therapist “must believe in G-d”?

Every therapist practices within a cultural framework. Despite their training and licensing, the worldview they’ve internalized inevitably shapes their approach and guidance. When a therapist lacks spiritual grounding, their recommendations naturally flow from secular values rather than eternal truths.

The Contrast in Approaches

A therapist who believes in G-d approaches life’s challenges through the lens of eternal values rather than aspirations and tenets of the current woke culture. When a therapist has faith, they recognize that each person has spiritual obligations and sacred responsibilities toward family members. When therapists lack this foundation, they often default to secular values, prioritizing individual rights over family cohesion, personal autonomy over mutual obligation, and competitive achievement above commitment to social justice. The contrast is profound—one path leads to relationships built on sacred commitment and shared purpose, the other to interactions governed by power dynamics, personal gratification, and shifting cultural trends.

Torah-informed therapy offers profound healing that other approaches cannot match. This approach, however, requires immersion in a culture that honors religious principles at its core. A therapist who truly believes in G-d approaches human problems differently than one who doesn’t. When a G-d-fearing therapist counsels, they prioritize spiritual growth over material comfort. When a secular therapist advises, they often elevate individual autonomy over social responsibility.

Real-World Consequences

Consider a young man from an observant Jewish family who sought help for his anxiety. Instead of finding relief, he became the victim of harmful counsel. His therapist, lacking spiritual grounding, labeled his family “a cult” and instructed him to cut off relationships with those who truly loved and cared for him. This spiritually disqualified guidance not only failed to address his original anxiety but dramatically worsened his condition, plunging him into deeper anxiety and severe depression. What began as a quest for healing instead left him confused and in an emotional free fall.

An observant Jewish couple struggled with intimacy in their marriage. When the wife couldn’t feel the “chemistry” with her husband, she sought professional guidance. She confided in a spiritually disqualified psychologist that physical attraction was missing from their relationship. The psychologist recommended she find a “friend” outside the marriage. Such advice completely disregards the devastating consequences of infidelity—the broken trust, shattered family bonds, and profound emotional damage that ripples through generations. When a therapist lacks a spiritual foundation—a connection with G-d—they offer woke “solutions” that destroy the very relationship they were asked to heal.

The Path Forward

A commitment to self-improvement, particularly in strengthening bonds with loved ones, deserves our highest praise. This journey often requires guidance from someone who can navigate the complex terrain of relationships.

Whether Jewish or not, the essential prerequisite for this guide is a genuine belief in G-d. Such a therapist sees individual mental health and loving relationships not as mere contracts but as a relationship with G-d. They help you build connections founded on spiritual principles—selflessness, commitment, and objective behavior defined by right or wrong.

Conclusion

When the Lubavitcher Rebbe tells an observant Jewish man looking for a therapist that he must find one who believes in G-d, he means precisely that: the therapist should be someone who aligns his own life with Torah principles and wisdom—a therapist who can inspire others to live a G-dly life so they can maximize their happiness. Only this approach leads to the fullest personal satisfaction and purpose in life and the lasting peace and contentment we seek in our most important relationships.