Question: How should I respond to passive-aggressive texts from my spouse blaming me for our child’s behavior?
I’m faced with a recurring situation where my spouse sends me texts that seem to blame me for our child’s misbehavior, even when I’m not present. This morning, while I was out, our child chose to watch YouTube and then misbehaved. I received a text implying this was my fault. I have three options:
Not respond
Point out the logical flaw (“So what I’m reading is that our child is misbehaving because I let them watch YouTube in the morning.”)
Simply reply with “Good morning.”
These blame-shifting messages are frequent, and I’m unsure how to respond constructively.
Answer
When your spouse reaches out about difficulties with your child, try responding with empathy rather than defensiveness. A simple message like “It sounds like you’re having a difficult time with them. I’m sorry it’s challenging right now” acknowledges their frustration without accepting inappropriate blame or escalating tension.
