Marriage: The Journey to a Good Life

The Zohar teaches us that “someone who does not marry is a baal mum—someone with a defect.” Marriage completes your innermost essence, transforming you from half a person into a whole one. When you unite with your spouse, you reconnect the separated parts of your soul and fulfill one of life’s most glorious purposes.

From Taker to Giver: The Journey to Wholeness

We all begin life as takers. A newborn baby recognizes nothing beyond itself—in its perception, the entire world exists solely for its benefit. As understanding deepens, awareness gradually expands to include parents, siblings, and eventually the broader community.

This expansion marks the emergence of your divine soul, introducing you to the concept of giving. However, the full meaning of giving only reveals itself through marriage and establishing a home. Marriage is the ultimate training ground for unconditional love—learning to bestow kindness without expectation of return.

This transformation isn’t achieved through a single moment of revelation. It is a daily practice, a way of life that must be cultivated consistently. When you marry, you embark on a journey from self-centeredness toward selflessness. Until you reach this state, your inherent goodness remains dormant, and the divine image within you stays concealed.

Mitzvos Between a Husband and Wife

In Parshas Eikev, G-d promises us a good life if we align ourselves with G-d’s will, as expressed through learning Torah and performing mitzvos. Marriage is the primary way this can be accomplished, as many mitzvos are available only to those who are married and intimate with one another.

Parshas Eikev, 11, 13… :

והיה אם־שמע תשמעו אל־מצותי אשר אנכי מצוה אתכם היום לאהבה את־יהוה אלהיכם ולעבדו בכל־לבבכם ובכל־נפשכם׃
If, then, you obey the commandments that I enjoin upon you this day, loving your G-d and serving [G-d] with all your heart and soul,

ונתתי מטר־ארצכם בעתו יורה ומלקוש ואספת דגנך ותירשך ויצהרך׃
I will grant the rain for your land in season, the early rain and the late. You shall gather in your new grain and wine and oil—

ונתתי עשב בשדך לבהמתך ואכלת ושבעת׃
I will also provide grass in the fields for your cattle, and thus you shall eat your fill.

The following is a small sampling of the many interpersonal commandments (mitzvos) commonly available within marriage.

Respect and Dignity

Not to embarrass others: When a husband notices his wife has made an error in recounting a family story while hosting friends, he allows her to finish rather than interrupting to correct her publicly. Later, when they’re alone, he gently mentions the discrepancy, preserving her dignity while still ensuring accuracy and demonstrating how they protect each other’s honor even in small matters.

Not to oppress the weak: When his wife is overwhelmed with work stress, a husband consciously takes on more household responsibilities without making her feel inadequate or guilty, recognizing her temporary vulnerability requires additional support rather than criticism.

Not to afflict any orphan or widow: A wife recognizes that her husband becomes quiet around Father’s Day after losing his father young. She creates space for his feelings without forcing conversation, demonstrating sensitivity to his particular emotional vulnerabilities.

Not to curse other people: A husband, frustrated after his wife accidentally damages his car, refrains from harsh words or insulting language during their discussion, addressing the situation rather than attacking her character or competence.

Love and Compassion

To love other Jews: A wife notices her husband has been working excessive hours and feeling isolated, so she arranges a surprise gathering with close friends, recognizing his need for community connection even when he hasn’t expressed it directly.

Not to hate fellow Jews: When spouses hold fundamentally different views on important matters like financial planning or children’s education, they commit to seeing each other’s perspective as valid rather than harboring resentment. A wife who strongly disagrees with her husband’s approach makes a genuine effort to understand his reasoning, recognizing that disagreement doesn’t diminish the value of their partnership or justify emotional distance between them.

Not to take revenge: After a husband forgets an important anniversary, his wife, though disappointed, doesn’t deliberately neglect his upcoming birthday celebration or withhold affection, instead expressing her feelings directly and focusing on resolution.

Not to bear a grudge: Following a heated argument where a wife felt her husband had prioritized work over an important family event, she consciously lets go of the hurt rather than collecting it as ammunition. Months later, when a similar scheduling conflict arises, she addresses the current situation on its own merits without referencing the past incident or harboring lingering resentment, demonstrating her commitment to truly releasing grievances rather than merely suppressing them temporarily.

Not to get angry: A wife, exhausted after a difficult day, notices herself becoming irritated when her husband leaves dishes in the sink, but pauses to take a deep breath before speaking, addressing the issue calmly rather than with explosive frustration.

Speech and Communication

Not to gossip about others: When a husband learns something unflattering about his wife’s colleague, he refrains from sharing this information with her, protecting her from involvement in potentially harmful conversation and preserving the colleague’s dignity.

Not to spread false reports: A wife hears rumors about her husband’s business partner but speaks with her husband directly before forming judgments, preventing misunderstandings that could affect their relationship or her husband’s partnership.

Not to flatter inappropriately: A husband expresses genuine appreciation when his wife resolves a difficult situation with their teenager, rather than offering exaggerated praise to manipulate her into handling all future parenting challenges alone.

Not to lie: When a wife dents the car while parking, she immediately tells her husband rather than hoping he won’t notice, recognizing that transparency about even uncomfortable matters builds the foundation of trust essential to their marriage.

The interpersonal commandments create a framework for a just and compassionate family, emphasizing respect, honesty, fairness, and care for others. While this list is a sampling, it is not the full range of interpersonal mitzvos in Judaism, which is even more extensive, covering virtually every aspect of human interaction.

The Divine Protection of a Torah Marriage

In Parshas Eikev, G-d promised good health and prosperity for those who observe the mitzvos. The Rambam restates this in Hilchos Teshuva, and the Ramban clarifies that a good life versus a difficult one is not determined by luck but by the choices we make.

When you align your marriage with Torah principles, you create a spiritual warranty that ensures your life together will be healthy and prosperous. Should difficulties arise, you have divine resources to help you regain your footing. Because G-d controls our lives, transformation can be immediate!

To Conclude

When you fully embrace marriage as G-d designed, you join in G-d’s divine plan for human wholeness and fulfillment. This isn’t just a relationship strategy—it’s a pathway to true prosperity.

When rooted in Torah principles, your marriage becomes a wellspring of blessing that extends to every area of your life. Adherence to the wisdom and law of the Torah guarantees prosperity, not merely financial wealth, but a richness of experience and depth of connection that sustains and enriches you through life’s many turns.

This prosperity flows not as a reward for obedience, but as the natural outcome of living in alignment with the fundamental needs embedded in human nature and revealed by G-d in G-d’s Torah.