Do you know your partner?
Knowing as much as you can about your partner is a Torah requirement
Understanding and addressing emotional needs is important for your marriage. It’s key to keeping it healthy.
This article will help you identify your emotional needs and understand your partner’s needs. This will lead to better communication, less stress, and a healthier relationship.
The Maharal was a Jewish scholar of great stature. He explains that human completion occurs when a married man and woman unite in harmony. To the degree a couple archives unity, they become a chariot for the Shechinah, G-d’s presence.
Emotional unity between a husband and a wife is the gateway to a G-dly life.
When you and your partner understand each other’s feelings and care for each other’s needs, you create a safe and supportive space.
In this space, there is open communication, trust, and intimacy. These are the foundations of personal happiness.
When you take the time to understand and address your partner’s emotions, you show empathy, care, and respect. You will likely receive such kind attention in return.
Peter and Susan cared very much about each other. Yet, sometimes, they had trouble understanding each other’s feelings. One day, they decided to listen to each other, not just with their ears but their hearts. They started to share not only their words but their feelings and needs as well. Peter learned that Susan felt happiest when they spent quality time together. Susan discovered that Peter needed words of encouragement. As they moved forward as a couple, they both started to meet these needs. And something amazing happened. They felt closer than ever before, like they truly understood each other. This feeling of closeness was an addition to all the other good parts of the relationship. But, this type of emotional closeness felt different to them. They valued it more than anything else they had ever experienced. They realized that talking and listening this way was like a magic key. It unlocked deeper contentment. It made them feel safe to share anything, bringing them closer together. From then on, they cherished the power of understanding. They valued validation of each other’s feelings.
Understanding and meeting each other’s emotional needs in your relationship is crucial. It fosters a healthy bond and lets us live in harmony with G-d’s will. When you and your partner can communicate well and meet each other’s needs, you will have positive results. These include more intimacy, trust, and life satisfaction. However, when emotional needs go unmet or unnoticed, this can lead to many problems.
When a marriage superficial
Unmet emotional needs have a bad effect. They can lead to more conflict and tension between you and your partner. When you feel ignored or neglected, you may become resentful or frustrated. This can lead to arguments, misunderstandings, and discord. This sets up a cycle of negativity and distance between you and your partner. It makes it hard to resolve issues and keep a strong connection. This lack of communication can separate you and your partner. It can even cause a complete marriage breakdown, G-d forbid.
Another negative outcome of unmet emotional needs is moodiness. When your needs are unmet, you or your spouse may feel sadness, loneliness, or dissatisfaction. This can result in mood swings, irritability, and a general sense of unhappiness. You may become withdrawn or distant. This can make it hard for your partner to connect with you.
Unmet emotional needs can lead to anger. This is one of the most common negative behaviors. Feeling neglected or unsupported may lead to frustration and resentment. This happens when you or your partner feel neglected or unsupported. It can cause outbursts of anger or even aggression. This can create a toxic environment in your relationship. It will harm the connection between you and your partner.
Unmet emotional needs can also cause passive-aggressive behavior. This can involve withdrawing and not talking to your partner or making subtle jabs at them. This will create tension and resentment in your relationship. It can lead to a complete breakdown in your connection.
How to share deep feelings
When sharing your emotional feelings, you should speak assertively and not passively. In assertive communication, individuals identify and communicate their emotional needs. For example, you could suggest a date night with your partner. You would spend quality time together, arrange a babysitter, and have a nice evening. Or, you could say you want more attention.
Passive communication is different. One may understand needs and feelings but may not express them. For example, you may feel frustrated. You cannot arrange quality time with your partner. You may want more attention and love from them. But you struggle to ask for it. This lack of direct talk can lead to misunderstandings. It can also lead to unmet needs in your relationship.
Also, emotional needs are often hidden in the subconscious. They cannot be expressed since they are unknown. For instance, you may feel jealous when your wife interacts with your child. But, you may not see that you are seeking more attention. You are indirectly reminded of this when you observe her give attention to your son or daughter. As a result, you may react negatively without knowing why. Not knowing about emotions can lead to misunderstandings. It can cause conflicts in your relationship. If this happens to you. It’s important to develop your emotional and communication skills. They will help you better understand and express your emotional needs.
You can only share with or hear your partner’s feelings when anger, judgment, or assumptions are absent. When communicating, do your best to stay calm. Stay focused and accepting when speaking and listening.
Couple exercise to deepen your relationship
To help you address your emotions, you can discuss these topics with your partner. Take turns speaking about each of the following topics. Don’t interrupt your partner as they speak. When they are finished, summarize their main points. During this exercise, stay calm. Only share your needs without expecting them to be met. These talking points are only for consideration. Discuss the following:
- Feeling supported
- Feeling trusted
- Feeling secure
- Feeling appreciated
- Feeling connected
- Feeling desired
- Feeling validated
- Feeling important
- Having fun together
- Feeling spiritually connected (shared values)
- Feeling physically connected (intimacy)
- Having shared goals and dreams
- Feeling accepted
- Feeling understood
- Feeling approval
After finishing this exercise, you should feel closer. You will also have a greater interest in each other and a strong desire to spend more time together. This shows the vital need to share your feelings and needs openly and honestly. It’s key to nurturing a strong bond between you and your partner and having a good life.
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