הֵא אָדָם מְכַבֵּד אֶת אִשְׁתּוֹ יוֹתֵר מִגּוּפוֹ, וְאוֹהֲבָהּ כְּגוּפוֹ 

This verse translates to: “A man should honor his wife more than himself and love her as himself (Rambam (Maimonides) Mishneh Torah, Hilchos Ishus, 15:19)

The Torah gives a powerful message to husbands: “Love your wife like yourself.” This may seem like a straightforward command, but it contains deep wisdom about human nature and relationships.

Think about how you naturally care for yourself. You don’t need anyone to remind you to eat when you’re hungry, rest when you’re tired, or seek comfort when you’re upset. You don’t require rewards or incentives to take care of your own needs—it just comes naturally. When you make decisions, you think about what’s best for you. You avoid harm and seek things that bring you joy or benefits. This self-love isn’t selfish; it’s a healthy part of being human. It’s built into our nature, like breathing or blinking. The Torah suggests that this same kind of automatic, natural care should extend to your spouse. Just as you don’t need to be convinced to care about your well-being, you shouldn’t need to be convinced to care about your wife’s well-being.

This teaching goes far beyond just doing your duty as a husband or fulfilling basic obligations. Instead, it calls for developing the same kind of instinctive care for your wife that you have for yourself. When making decisions, her happiness and well-being should be as natural a consideration as your own. You should recognize the good in her as easily as you see it in yourself, and sharing your life with her should feel as natural as living it yourself.

The Torah describes an ideal marriage. When a man contributes to his wife’s well-being because of his deep instinctual love for her, it expresses the essence of being a husband.